Chapter 3
    “Ah, another Star Wars fan,” he said. “How unexpected.”
Caroline looked at him over the table, planning a snappy reply. “Why, cause I’m a…” she stuttered, as his soft brown eyes met hers.
    “Girl?” he finished. “No, because I wasn’t sure there were any fellow nerds here. This crowd seems more like the Grey’s Anatomy/Jackass type.”
“First, I’m not a nerd or a girl. Why would you start off a conversation with a woman,” she emphasized, “by accusing her of being a nerd?” Caroline had recovered from her stumble but was having trouble staying indignant as she watched him smile.
“Because it’s a compliment in my book,” he answered.
“Oh.” Caroline cursed her Irish blood, and felt the blush sweeping over her fair skin. She waited for him to say something about her skin matching her hair, as if he were the first to think of that line.
“Let’s start over. My name’s Xander.”
“Hey, nice to meet you.” Small talk was easy as long as she didn’t look at him. “I’m Caroline.” She looked at him. Brown eyes, brown hair, just an inch or two taller than she was. Just the right height for kissing. She gave herself a mental shake. Kissing? Where did that come from? “Wait, Xander, as in Buffy?”
Xander chuckled. “See, I knew you had the heart of a geek under all that hotness.”
“Um, I may have…” Caroline said distractedly, “a few action figures.” I may have a few action figures? What am I saying? That’s almost as bad as ‘I carried a watermelon.’
“…so I have some original GI Joes, but I never got into any other action figure collecting. Do you like comic books too?” Xander paused. He’d lost her. Her eyes were glazing over because he didn’t have the sense to keep his mouth shut about his lame hobbies. Time to bail before things got worse and she actually fell asleep. “Ok, well, I need another beer. It was nice talking to you.”
He turned and was swallowed up by the crowd around the keg before Caroline realized he was leaving.
“Wait,” she called out, but the music was too loud. Hmm. Did I read him wrong? she thought. Whatever. There are a lot of guys at this party, even a few I’ve never met. She paused. But, he was kind of cute, in a Lloyd Dobbler way. Ah, the perfect boyfriend. How many men around the world had been rejected because of the Lloyd Dobbler standard? But Caroline knew that was a myth. No man had ever stood in the rain with a boombox to win her or gone to Paris for her. And it was seriously unlikely that this man would either. Although, Caroline admitted to herself, my standards weren’t really that high. A boyfriend who wouldn’t cheat on her; that’s all she was looking for. Not that she was looking.
“So, Caroline,” squealed a voice to her left, “what did you think of Xander?”
“Oh, hey, Zoe, how’re you?”
“Isn’t he a doll? Of course, he is way too young for you. A baby, really.”
Caroline wasn’t sure if she should pull her hair over her forehead to hide the crows feet or push it back to hide the grey.
Zoe nattered on, smiling a little too sweetly, “If you like I could introduce you to one of the men I work with. They’re all too old for me, but I know they’d love to meet a nice woman their age.”
Wow, Caroline thought, that was a bit obvious even for Zoe. “Zoe, it is just so sweet of you to look out for me like that,” she sugared back. “You are such a good friend.” She held on to her smile as she added, “And I think you’re so brave and sensible not to worry about your hair. I should take a lesson from you and not think about how I look so much.”
Zoe’s face fell as her hand went to her hair. Caroline felt a little bad when Zoe walked off without a word. But only a tiny bit bad, she thought. Zoe’s deserved that for a long time, and her hair could actually use some work, so it was for the best.
Although honestly, she thought, I should thank her. If she hadn’t been such a bitch about it, I’d have the balls to do this.
Caroline headed over to the pool table, grabbing a jello shot of the counter for a little extra courage. She was pretty sure she’d seen some wide shoulders and brown hair over that way. Mmmm, red, my favorite.




Chapter 4
Xander could see Caroline talking to some blonde girl from where he stood. He was supposedly playing pool, but really he was staring across the room, watching Caroline smile and gesture. What had gotten in to him? Well, that was rhetorical. He knew exactly what had happened. He came to this party expecting to see the same skinny, blonde, Abercrombie wearing girls he saw at all of the parties Mike dragged him to, but Mike had told him this party would be different. “It’s not the usual crowd,” he’d said, “carriage people. They’re all a bit odd. You’ll like’em.”
And he did like them. Particularly this girl; this ‘not a geek’ geek girl. When he’d provoked her, out of habit, she’d come to life and he’d seen that the fire in her eyes matched the fire of her hair. He loved smart redheads, and her body…wow. Curvy in all the right places, she didn’t look so fragile he could hurt her with a good hug. She looked, well, he thought, gorgeous. But he’d screwed up. Damn, he thought unhappily.
"Come on, Xander, take the shot," he heard Mike say. "Twenty bucks says you blow it."
Xander turned his attention back to the game. He lined up his shot, his eyes tracking the path of the ball into the corner pocket, but then his eyes were caught by movement at the end of the table. Caroline leaned over opposite him, the movement causing the neckline of her shirt to fall dangerously low. "Good luck," she murmured, but Xander didn’t hear her. All he could hear was his heartbeat as he stared at that glimpse of creamy white skin.
He took the shot blindly, sinking the eight ball in the corner pocket by pure luck, and then tossed the cue on the table. “So. How would you feel about going outside for some…air.”
“I like air,” Caroline answered. “Also, we could make out.” She winked and started making her way to the door. Holy shit, she thought, did I really just say that.
Xander stopped for a second, stunned. I’ve won the lottery, he thought, she’s freakin perfect.
Moving quickly, he walked out on the porch, to see a flash of Caroline’s yellow shirt from the stairs to the second floor piazza.
“Hey! Where are you going? That’s someone else’s apartment up there, you know!”
“Shhhhh! I know,” she whispered, “that’s why you need to be much quieter. Now, come on up to see what I’ve found.”
Torn for only a second, Xander bounded, as quietly as he could, up the stairs to find Caroline curled up in a rope hammock strung between the house and post of the porch roof. She smiled at him lazily, and, powered by the cumulative effect of five beers and two jello shots, said, “Hey, sailor. Come here often?” She realized, as he lifted an eyebrow and snorted, that that had sounded quite a bit dirtier than she’d meant.
“Um, no, first time. Well, not my first time, but, you know, the first time in a while. The first time on shore. I mean, I have some shore leave…” Xander trailed off incoherently.
Caroline had closed her eyes and was laughing tipsily as the hammock swayed. She felt it stop for a second then swing harder and as she started to open her eyes, Xander kissed her. Hard.
Oh, thought Caroline, that’s nice. And then she didn’t think for a while.
As the party died down on the first floor, people shouted their goodbyes and last hurrahs as car doors slammed. The streets slowly quieted and the softer sounds of the blue herons in the fountain next door and the wind rustling through the confederate Jessamine grew as the moon rose and the night darkened.
In the hammock, Caroline and Xander didn’t notice the birds or the full moon or even, hours later, the sunrise. They didn’t notice the footsteps coming up the stairs until they’d stopped next to the hammock.
“Someone’s been sleeping in my bed,” someone growled. “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed,” the same voice said sweetly. “Well, someone’s been sleeping in my bed, and here she is!” he called, this time in a baby voice. “Goldilocks! Goldilocks, wake up!”
Xander froze when he heard the intruder, thinking panicked thoughts about the whereabouts of his pants, but Caroline only blushed and then called out, “Baby Bear, Baby Bear, what are you doing home?”
“I live here, remember? I get to come here whenever I feel like it. The question is: why did you spend the night in my hammock when you have a perfectly good bed three blocks away?”
“Um,” Caroline began, “Brent, if you’ll just turn around for a minute, I’ll get out and explain.”
“Wait, are you naked?” Brent exclaimed. “Why are you naked in my hammock? This is going to be a great explanation, I can tell already.”
Caroline quickly threw herself out of the hammock and tossed Xander his pants and t-shirt. She shimmied back into her clothes, and moved closer to Brent, who still had his back turned, trying to urge him closer to the door.
“This is a really good story, Brent, maybe I could tell it inside? The mosquitoes are starting to eat me alive.”
She slipped her arm around his waist and he shrugged and started to head in the house. A muffled, “Damn it,” stopped him in his tracks, and he looked suspiciously at Caroline and then at the cursing hammock.
“You know, in then story, Goldilocks is alone in that bed,” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I know,” Caroline sighed. “Ok, Xander, the jig is up. Might as well get out of that thing and meet Brent.” “Brent, Xander. Xander, Brent.”
Xander managed to get untangled from the hammock and came over to shake Brent’s hand. “Hey, nice to meet you. Sorry about, um, borrowing your hammock.”
“No problem,” Brent said, “it usually gets borrowed by someone after a downstairs party, but not usually by Caroline.” He looked at Xander appraisingly. “Nice to meet you, too.”
“Ok, well, we’ve got to get going,” Caroline said quickly, “Brent, it was lovely to see you; I’ll call you later.” She grabbed Xander’s hand as she stepped towards the stairs. “Have a nice morning.”
Brent watched them go, laughing a bit, and called off the balcony, “Don’t forget--I still want to hear that story you promised me.”
Caroline turned a bit redder as she ducked under the ivy hanging off the door to the street. “Just ignore him,” she whispered to Xander. “He’ll come by later to pester me for the scoop but he won’t spread it around or anything.”
“It’s’okay,” Xander said quietly, “getting caught in someone else’s hammock is pretty funny.” Even more quietly, “Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.”
“I’m laughing now,” Caroline said. “I’m sure you’ll feel more amused after a cup of coffee.”
Xander stopped, stunned, as Caroline sashayed off, feeling rather pleased with herself.
Wow, Xander thought dazedly, I could marry this girl.



Chapter 5

It was early for a Saturday so the coffee shop wasn’t too crowded, even with the Farmer’s Market about to start across the street. The coffee shop, Caroline scoffed to herself, as if it were some hipster hangout instead of a Starbucks. Concentrating on the evils of corporate branding was better than thinking about the guy in line with her. What had gotten in to her last night? Well, she giggled to herself, I know what got into me.
“Sorry about Brent,” she said, “I didn’t plan for us to fall asleep, and plus he usually stays at his boyfriend’s place every weekend. I’ve known him forever; we even dated once before he came out. His house was just down from mine when we lived on Tradd St and…” Oh my god, she thought, shut up, shut up already! I’m babbling like the village idiot. Stupid morning after crap. “…so anyway, that’s his story.” How does Amy do this? Right, she says she has to work early or slides out before they wake up. Well, I’m not going to wait for him to say that he’s got to play golf or whatever.
“Thanks for the coffee,” she blurted as she held out her hand.
Xander looked a bit confused, but took it and shook gently. “Um, ok, well, it was nice to meet you, Caroline. Hopefully, I’ll see you around.”
Oh my God, he just said he would ‘see me around.’ I was right. Fuck. Why are they all such asses? she asked herself as she shook his hand and made polite noises.
“Sure, sure. I’m always around. Ok, well, I’m heading that way,” pointing down King Street, “so have a nice day. Bye.”
Caroline stopped at the corner and stared blankly at the traffic for a minute. I’m always around? What the hell does that mean? Dammit.
Still by their table, Xander was having the same thoughts. ‘See you around?’ What am I, the world’s biggest asshole? Dammit, I really liked her. And I thought she liked me but then it seemed like she was blowing me off. Still, no reason to act like a dick. God knows this isn’t as awkward as my last morning after.
Xander leapt up and dashed off in the direction Caroline had gone.
“Caroline, wait!” he called. “Caroline!”
She turned around in the crosswalk. “I don’t want to see you around. I want to see you today. Let’s have lunch. Or dinner. Or a movie. Something. I feel like if I let you walk away right now, I’ll never see you again.”
That may be the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me, Caroline thought. Clearly, I’ve been dating the wrong guys.
“Lunch would be great. And I wasn’t taking off because I don’t like you, I was just...”
“Trying to blow me off before I could do it to you? Yeah, I understand.” He smiled and she felt warmer. “Anyway, lunch and then we’ll see. How ‘bout I pick you up in an hour or so? Mike said you live on Wentworth?”
He asked Mike about me, she thought giddily, as she gave him directions to her apartment, I feel like I’m in junior high. He likes me, he likes me not, he likes me.
Still,  she thought as she began walking home, that was awkward. But he doesn’t seem to think I’m too crazy. Lunch. I guess that means it’s a date. Guess we’ve already answered the question of sex on the first date. Nice. But he said he liked me. I think I like him. And he’s good in hammock. She smirked, remembering.
“Hey! Hey, stranger!” called a voice from above her. Caroline looked up. Amy was lounging in a lawn chair on their piazza. “Where were you all night?” she yelled down. “Don’t tell me you were with that boy from the party last night.”
“I might have been,” teased Caroline. “But you don’t get the whole story unless you help me get ready for, drum roll, please, my date!”
“Woo-hoo! Caroline’s got a date!” Amy shouted. “Come on up; I wanna hear all about him before you leave.”
She tore off her clothes on the way to the shower, tossing them in the direction of her room. “Could you grab me some clothes?”
“Sure. So what happened last night? I heard you left with Mike’s friend…”
“Yep. Xander. He’s a cutie—really smart and funny, and we spent the night in Brent’s hammock,” Caroline said in a rush.
“In the hammock? Crazy. So, how was it?”
“What? I can’t hear you; the shower’s too loud,” Caroline yelled.
“I said I’m about to flush the toilet unless I get some details.”
“Aigh, no, no! I’ll tell. It was excellent and he was so sweet. I totally tried to get rid of him this morning before he could get rid of me—you know how awkward that whole morning after thing can be…so I tried to shake his hand, but...” Amy’s laughter cut her off. “No, it seemed like a good idea.”
“Ok, ok, so you shook hands with a guy you just slept with. Then what?”
“No, I thanked him for the coffee and said I had to go. Then he said he would see me around.”
“Ouch!”
“I know, right? So I thought I was right, that he was a jerk, but then he followed me a minute later and told me that he really liked me.” She smiled happily.

(transition, new chapter?)

Brrrriing! Brrrriiing!
There he is, Amy thought. Time to check out this new Prince Charming. I hope he’s the real thing; Caroline deserves someone good after that cheatin’ bastard broke her heart.
She pulled the door open quickly, hoping to catch Xander offguard. “Yes?” She tried to look aloof.
“Hi, um, I’m here for Caroline?” Xander said. “She asked me to meet her here.”
“I’m Amy, Caroline’s roommate and you must be Xander. Come on in.”
“Thanks.” Xander looked around as Amy cleared off a space on the couch. “Wow,” he exclaimed, “that’s a lot of books.” Floor to ceiling bookshelves covered the walls around the room. Books were stacked on top of books, falling out of the shelves, and lying in piles on the floor.
“Yep. That’s what happens when two English majors live together. If one of us ever moves out, I don’t know how we’re going to divide them up.”
Amy looked around, and picked up a large thick paperback. “Of course, sometimes it’s clear—the Hellboy comic books? Hers.”
A voice came from the hall, and Caroline followed, laughing. “How many times do I have to say it? They’re graphic novels, darn it, not comic books.”
“Right, right, and the little dolls on the mantel?”
“Action figures,” Xander replied before Caroline could say anything. The woman exchanged amused glances.
“See?” said Caroline.
“Oh, yes,” Amy responded, “a geek after your own heart.”
“You’re one to talk,” Caroline said, “Xander, see that model of the spaceship on top of the bookshelf by the window?”
Xander turned around. “Um, yeah, wow, it looks like…”
“That’s Amy’s scale model of the Battlestar Gallactica.”
Xander burst into laughter as Amy blushed. ‘Dammit, now you’ve told my darkest secret. I wonder what I should tell Xander in return about you...”
“No, no,” Caroline, “we’ve got to get going now.” She grabbed Xander by the hand, pulling him to the door, “Come on.”
“Wait, I wouldn’t mind hanging out a while longer; the conversation was just getting interesting.” He winked at Amy.
“Bye, Amy,” Caroline said firmly.



Chapter 6

Caroline could hear her cell phone but she couldn’t find it underneath the receipts and gum wrappers and lip glosses that seemed to pile up on their own in her purse. Don’t hang up, she thought, whoever you are, hold on another second. “Hello?”
“Hey, Jimmy,” she said delightedly, “How are you? How are the wedding plans? Set a date yet?”…“June, wonderful. It’ll be awfully warm here though.”…”Oh, tonight? No, we can’t make it tonight, maybe next week.”…”Embarrassingly enough, it’s our 3 month anniversary—he’s taking me out to dinner to celebrate.”…”Thanks. Ok, I’ll call you about next week.”…”Bye.”
Caroline dropped the phone back in her purse. Three months. The time had gone so quickly since their first date. She chuckled. What a date. First we slept together, then we got to know each other. But I was right about him; he’s a good guy. And he loves me. I think. Sometimes he looks at me and it feels like he’s going to say it, like he wants to say it, but he doesn’t. Maybe tonight. Of course, she admitted to herself, I haven’t been totally honest with him, emotionally anyway. He’s probably wondering how I feel. Great, two scaredy-cats in love. I think tonight I need to tell him him about Nick. She took a deep breath. Now, if only I can do that without crying. Or breaking something.
Let’s try a practice run, she said out loud, “Hey, Xander, before I tell you that I’ve been in love with you practically since we met, I need to tell you all about my asshole ex-fiance, who, it turned out, cheated on me for just about the whole ten years of our relationship, even after he’d proposed. I thought he was my soul mate, until I caught him in bed with my best friend at the time, and then I, very maturely, put the ring on the nightstand and left. I wish that last part were true. I guess I have to tell him what really happened as mortifying as it is. Actually, I threw a lamp at this head and he had to go to the hospital to get stitches. As he’s putting in clothes for the drive, blood pouring from his head, he takes the opportunity to tell me everything he really thinks about me: I’m not generous enough in bed, I’m inhibited (you know, because I won’t have a threesome), I have no ambition, I’m immature, and, of course, I’m fat. He didn’t plan on telling me any of this; he thought I’d be a good mother so he was going to keep Katrina as his mistress and marry me anyway. When he said he was in love with us both, I started throwing whatever I could grab. And the the cops came.
Wow, I really don’t want to tell someone all that. What if he secretly agrees with Nick? I am still fat, although I don’t think he has any complaints in bed. Of course, I didn’t think Nick did either. What if he thinks I over reacted? Well, if he does, he’s not worth it either…I do love him, though.

Caroline could hear the music coming out of the bar from a block away. She shifted the small package under her arm. Oh, I hope he likes his present, she thought. She smiled thinking of the picture of them dancing arm in arm at the beach, now framed and wrapped..
Even though the music was loud, the bar seemed quiet. She said “hi” to the old bartender, Sam, but he didn’t smile back, and when she looked around, none of the regulars would meet her gaze. As she walked into the back room, she saw why. Xander was at their usual table and so was someone else. A someone else who was kissing him rather enthusiastically. She watched, frozen, for a minute, her brain deciding between fight or flight. As Xander pushed the other woman away from him, he looked up and saw Caroline in the doorway.
“Caroline! Wait, please, let me explain.”
“Explain why you were kissing another woman? I’m not sure there can possibly be a good answer for that.” Please, please let there be a good answer, please. I can’t take it if he has another girlfriend. Especially not one wearing clear heels.
“Oh,” said the other woman, getting up from the table, “can a man not kiss his wife?”
“Kiki, not right now!” Xander said roughly, but she just laughed. He looked at Caroline who had turned white. “Caroline, I promise I can explain. See, I was in Vegas and Kiki…”
“Kiki, being your wife. The woman you married.”
He nodded. “But…”
She cut him off, “And you’ve been married the entire time we’ve been together.”
“Yes, but I thought…”
“I don’t care what you thought. I just…” The walls felt like they were closing in. I can’t do this again. I can’t. “I have to go.” As he begged her to stop, she brushed by him, blinded by tears.