charlotteevans

Chapter 9

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:51:54 GMT

I'm trying to decide if there's something in between but for now....

Chapter 9

Caroline turned over, snuggling deeper into the pillows. Sleepily, she realized what had woken her so early. Rustling noises were coming from her bathroom.

“Who’s in there?” she said crossly, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

“It’s Brie. I need a tampon and Dinah was out so I thought I’d get one of yours,” replied a muffled voice. “But I’ve taken everything out from under the sink and I still can’t find any.”

“Did you ever think about buying your own? Oh, and not going through other people’s stuff? Or is the concept of personal property to complex for your tiny brain?”

“Wow.” Brie walked slowly out of the bathroom and headed for the hallway. “That was kind of harsh. I may not be as smart as you, with an English degree and all, and I’m sorry I went in your room without asking, but you don’t have to be so mean.”

“Well, I guess y’all have taught me to be a real New Yorker,” Caroline retorted, but Brie was already gone. If I’ve become a bitch, she thought, it’s not my fault. I’m just following their example. But she ducked under the covers, remembering the hurt look in Brie’s eyes. Fine, she thought, must try to be nicer, even to roommates. Also, buy tampons. Can pick some up at Duane Reade. Wonder if they carry my kind? She tucked her patchy-furred stuffed rabbit more firmly under her chin. Will check tomorrow. Weird I don’t have any in stock. I know I didn’t bring any with me… Her eyes flew open. “Wait a freakin second,” she said out loud. “If I didn’t bring any with me and I haven’t bought any since I’ve been here…” She threw herself out of bed towards the desk, tripping over her jeans on the way.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Where’s the calendar? Fuck.

She opened the little pocket calendar to September, looking for little x marking the start of her last period. Ok, nothing this month, but maybe it’s just late, maybe last month was late and it’s throwing me off… She flipped back a month, scanning the weeks frantically. She turned back another page, almost tearing it. Fuck. There it was. The last x. In June.

I haven’t had a period in three months, Caroline said, questioningly? Her voice quavered and then grew stronger as she yelled to her empty room, “How the hell did I not notice?” She sat down hard in the desk chair. “This has to be a mistake. It has to be. If it’s not…” she trailed off. After a few minutes of staring blankly at the wall, Caroline shook herself, “Ok, enough! There’s only one way to be sure and maybe I’ll find out this is all a big mistake.” Yeah, maybe I’m in menopause, she thought hopefully.

This being the big City, there was a drugstore every block. Caroline passed the Duane Reade on her corner. I don’t need them looking at me funny next time I buy shampoo, she justified to herself. She passed the CVS on the next block and the Eckerd’s on the block after that. Maybe I’ll just walk around for a while, she thought, no need to rush this. And then I could throw myself down a flight of stairs. Shit. Not pausing to think herself out of it, Caroline threw herself in the doors of the next Duane Reade, almost getting smacked by the slow opening automatic doors.

It didn’t take long to find the pregnancy tests; they were right next to the condoms. Caroline examined the shelves. Damn, these are expensive, she thought, and I have no idea which kind I want. Well, I don’t want any of them. But…oh, this one says ‘accurate as soon as five days after your missed period.’ That sounds good. I wonder how accurate it is three months after your missed period. She could feel the giggles coming and knew she wouldn’t be able to stop if she started. Light-headed, she leaned against the display for a second. “I’ll just get the cheapest one,” she decided, “then I can blame the result in shoddy workmanship.” Or on shoddy condoms, she added.

The walk home didn’t take nearly as long as Caroline would’ve liked and soon she was back in her bathroom, reading the package directions. “Ok,” she muttered, “so basically, remove cap, pee on stick, wait three minutes. Why can’t they just say that?”

After pacing and checking her watch for the tenth time, Caroline grabbed the box and changed “three minutes” to “an eternity.” “There,” she said, “truth in advertising.” She dropped the box as her watch alarm dinged. Now just the truth, she thought. She picked the stick up slowly…come on, one line, one line. I promise I will never have sex again…

…

Crap.

Chapter 8 (revised)

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:02:19 GMT

Chapter 8

Caroline sat in the office she shared with three other interns looking out the window. She was supposed to be researching the top five trends for the coming year, but instead of calling designers she was thinking about lunch.
Almost noon, she thought, lunch. Sushi? Or I could try that new Indian place I saw yesterday. Hmm. She smiled remembering her old lunches. It’s so nice to not have to bring a lunch and to have more than 10 minutes to eat. And to be able to get something like sushi, not just pizza or sandwiches...awesome. Of course, she thought as her smile fell, it would be nice to have someone to eat with. I’d eat with the other interns but I don’t think they eat, just smoke. Caroline sighed and turned back to her desk to pick up the phone. Her fingers hesitated before she dialed a number she knew by heart.
Before anyone could answer, she hung up and rested her head on the desk. I can’t talk to them yet, she thought, I need more time. I want everything to be perfect before I call home because I know Amy and Jimmy and everyone will try to convince me to give it up. But even if I’m not happy here right now, I will be, damn it. I just need more time.
The shrill ring of the phone startled her into answering without checking the caller id.
“Vain Magazine, Caroline speaking.”
“Why’d you call me and hang up?” scolded a familiar voice. “You think I have other friends with a NYC area code?”
Crap, Caroline thought, as she replied, “Hey, Amy, I’m so sorry. I meant to call earlier, but then…”
“You thought I’d yell at you for not calling before now? Yeah, I might. You drove off a month ago and no one’s heard from you since. So, yes, we might be a little pissed. And worried. So why don’t you tell me what’s going on.”
“Nothing, Amy, I’ve just been so busy getting settled and with this new job and everything…”
“That you haven’t been able to answer the phone. Listen, Caroline, I’ve known you an awful long time. Long enough to know when something’s wrong. So, come on, I promise I won’t bitch at you anymore, but I want to know how things are going up there.”
Caroline closed her eyes and prepared to lie. “Well, I got a new job as a paid intern at Vain Magazine, which is awesome because you know I’ve always wanted to be an editor, and I’m living in this great apartment on the East Side with two other interns and a model and..” Her voice broke.
“Sweetie! What is it; are you crying?”
“No,” she said, sniffling, “allergies. Listen, I’ve got to go, my boss is calling me. I promise I’ll call you later.” Before Amy could protest, Caroline hung up the phone.
Leaning her head on her hands, she sat through her lunch hour, trying to figure out where things had gone wrong.
I’m doing what I always talked about—living in the City, working for a magazine, living uptown…I’m like one of the Sex in the City girls. Only not have as much sex. Or as happy. I thought I would like this job more as time passed, but it’s been almost a month and I think I actually hate it. All I do is ask designers the silliest questions, like ‘is green the new black’ and get coffee. And the apartment, whew…that’s an issue for another day. At least researching these articles keeps me here late—the less time with my roommates, the better. Not that they’re bad people. They probably wouldn’t be so bitchy if they ate something.
She frowned, remembering. I can’t believe they were talking about me this morning or that it took me so long to realize they were talking about me, but then I don’t usually think of myself as a heifer. And as I pointed out to them, once I’d calmed down, I’m not the one who fainted on the subway last week. Anyway, I can’t afford to move out and I only just got this job, so I need to get over it and try to assimilate. They are Borg: resistance is useless.
But that was one nice thing about Xander, he liked me just as I am. Crap. One of the many, many nice things about Xander. God, I miss him. The way he looked at me in the morning, like I was fresh squeezed orange juice, the way he laughed, the way he folded over the pages of paperbacks. That used to drive me crazy but now… She could feel herself gearing up for a good cry. “Not going to happen,” she declared. “There’s no crying in baseball and there’s certainly no crying at work.”

Chapter 8 (possibly unfinished)

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:40:14 GMT

Chapter 8

I can’t believe I’m actually in the City, Caroline thought as she looked around the restaurant. And not just as a tourist. I’m actually a New Yorker. Not that I look like one yet. I need significantly more black clothes. What’s 0 to the power of a full closet?
“Well, it’s nice to see you smile,” said her brunch companion. “You were so sad when you got here, I wasn’t sure it was even you.”
“Thanks, I think,” Caroline answered. “And really, Caitlin, thank so much for letting me stay with you until I can get my own place. And a job to pay for it.”
“Hey, mi couch es su couch, plus it’s nice to have the company. How is the job hunt going anyway? Have you heard from anywhere yet?”
“Not yet,” Caroline sighed, “but between answering the ads for roommates and sending in my resume, I’ve got to get a call about something soon.”
“Let’s not even worry about that right now. Today we only worry about what to eat and where to shop and when to nap. And right now, I want to eat poached egg. Oh, and you have to get a bagel; they do the cutest thing here.”
Two hours later, satiated by the extra thinly sliced bagel, the homemade gingerale, the eggs benedict, the coffee with heavy cream, Caroline stumbled back into the street while Caitlin chattered on about their next stop.
Mmmm, that was good. But wow, the bill. I can’t believe that gingerale was ten dollars. I know Caitlin doesn’t mind, but I think I need to stick to diners and such until I’m working again; she can’t pay for everything and give me a place to live too.
“Earth to Caroline,” Caitlin said laughing, “let’s stop in here a minute?”
Caroline looked up to read the sign: Forbidden Planet. Cool, I can see if there’s anything new I need. Oh, wait, no shopping until I have a job. She stepped into the store. Holy cat! This place is huge! Xander would love… She froze. No. Not going there. But it was too late. She remembered one of the last evenings they’d spent together…They had stopped by the comic book store on the way home from dinner and spent the rest of the evening in companionable silence, passing books back and forth, until at last Xander had tossed the last one across the room and rolled on top of her… “Hey, Caitlin? I’ll be outside.” I’m not going to cry, damn it. I’m done crying. He’s a snake and I’m better off without him. “But you love him,” whispered her heart traitorously, “maybe you should’ve listened to what he had to say before running away.” None of that. If he loved me, he wouldn’t’ve lied to me. “But he didn’t lie, did he?” asked the small voice. Yes, he did. At least it felt like he did. Caroline shoved those thoughts away. It doesn’t matter any more anyway. I’m here and I’m starting a new life, and it’s going to be fabulous. I’m going to be fabulous.

Hours later, Caroline lay in a hot bath, covered in bubbles. Slowly she stretched one leg out of the water, flexing her foot. I could stay in here forever, she thought. Just stay in the bubbles and not worry about getting a job or what I’m doing here. I could even sleep here—I think we walked a marathon today just going from one store to another. Tomorrow I need to be more organized. Note to self: must come up with life plan before breakfast.

Crap, she thought the next morning, eating toast and jam in the breakfast nook, I was supposed to make a plan. Ok, step one, find job; step two, get place to live; step three, need new clothes; step four, new friends; step five, lose fifty pounds… She looked at her buttered and jammed bread. Good thing that’s not till step five.
A voice from the hall interrupted her plans. “Caroline! Caroline, guess what?” called Caitlin running in the door. Before she could answer, Caitlin kept talking, “Remember my old roommate, Elizabeth Dornetto, from sophomore year? We email randomly and it turns out she’s now an editor for Vain.”
“That’s pretty cool,” Caroline said, “does she like it? I’ve heard that’s a pretty rough place to work.”
“Who cares if she likes it? We know her and she’s an editor! What do you want to do?”
“Um, work for a publishing house.”
“Magazines, books, whatever. An editor is an editor.”
“Actually…”
“Look, I already set you up an interview, so you’d better go try on your interview outfit. Can’t show up at Vain looking shlumpy.”
Before Caroline could object further or say what she thought about the highhandedness of some people, she remembered that it was Caitlin’s apartment she was staying and Caitlin’s money that had paid for lunch. She swallowed her indignation and headed for her suitcases.
“Ok, how’s this?” She twirled in the doorway of the bedroom.
“Not bad, but you need better shoes. They look a little too, well, Payless.”

Thank god she told me to get different shoes, Caroline thought, as she stood in the lobby of the Vain mothership, and I’m glad I brought my black interview suit and not the one with the flowers. Cause I’m nervous enough and, she looked around the marble lobby, I don’t think anyone here owns anything floral. Or is over ninety pounds.

After a few more minutes of waiting, Caroline saw a gorgeous red-head get off the elevator and glance around the room, and then motion to her. “Ah, you must be Caroline. Come on up to my office and we can chat for a bit.”

Bang! The apartment door hit the wall as Caroline threw herself inside. “Caitie! Where are you? Come on, we have to go celebrate!”
“Whoa,” Caitlin replied as she poked her head out of the kitchen, “slow down, what’s happened? I take it your interview went well?”
“You’re talking to the new assistant editor at Vain Magazine! I start on Monday. I had no idea she would give me the job right there; I was just hoping she’d give me some pointers on breaking into the industry. But when we finished talking, she told me she liked me and asked if I wanted to start next week!”
“I’m so happy for you! Let me grab my purse and we’ll go drink some champagne in your honor.”

Caroline groaned when the alarm went off at six Monday morning. Maybe we celebrated a bit too much, she admitted to herself, as her head pounded. One night of champagne might have been enough. Ok, I can do this. Out of bed, into the shower, off to the first day of work. Why does it feel like the first day of school? Like I’m the new kid and everybody’s going to make fun of my thrift store clothes. And my size 12 ass. She smiled. Not that anyone’s complained so far.

Chapter 7

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 14:25:20 GMT

Chapter 7

“No, Mom, thank you, but…” Caroline sighed as she held the phone to her ear. “No,” she said more firmly, “I am not going to move back home, even if it is into the carriage house…I’ll be fine…New York’s not that far, only a two hour flight…Of course I’ll be home for Christmas or you could come up…I’ll call as soon as I get there…I know; I love you too.” She sighed as she hung up the phone. I think she’s more nervous than I am about my moving away. As if New York is a foreign country where they speak another language and eat strange food. Of course, she’s never had a bagel and thinks cream of wheat is an abomination so…

“Caroline! The U-haul’s here!” Amy called from the living room. “There’s still time to change your mind; maybe think about what you’re doing for a minute.” She pulled out her phone.
“Xander? This is Amy,” she whispered.
“Amy? Why are you calling me? Is Caroline ok?”
“Yes. No. Listen, Xander, I don’t know how you could do what you did, and I don’t care right now. What I do know is that you need to get over here right away.”
“Wh..” he started to interrupt.
“She’s leaving, Xander, moving away. She made us promised not to tell you, which wasn’t hard. Why would I want to talk to you anyway after you broke her heart?”
“Why are you telling me now?”
“Because her heart is broken and it’s your fault. Because I’m not sure anyone else can fix it.”
He was quiet.
“Do you love her? Really love her?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yes. Yes, I do. Amy, I didn’t know I was still married. It’s a long story, one I’ve been trying to tell Caroline, but she won’t listen. I never wanted to hurt her.”
“You’ve got one last chance to fix this. I’ll stall her as long as I can, but you’ve got to hurry.”

Caroline sighed again. This would be easier with more support, but I know it’s because they’re worried about me. These last couple of weeks I’ve been a little… She paused. A little crazy? Maybe. But this is the right thing to do. I can’t stay here after everything’s that happened. She could still see Xander’s face when she left that night. It was the last time she’d seen him. Oh, he’d tried to see her, calling and emailing repeatedly for the last two weeks, but she’d refused to talk to him. What could he possibly say? ‘I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you I’m married?’ Shades of Nick all over again. I won’t be the other woman.
Before she could start crying again, she heard the clatter of the mail falling through the slot in the front door. Amy got to it first. “Here. One last letter before you shake the dust of this small town from your city shoes.” She smiled. “Come on, read it in here and I’ll get you a glass of tea. There’s no sweet tea where you’re going, remember?”
“Thanks, sweetie,” Caroline replied, “but I need to get back to the truck. I really want to get everything packed up and on the road before lunch.”
“Don’t worry. We have plenty of time. Drink some tea before you get heat stroke lifting all those boxes and I’ll go down and check on Jimmy and the truck.”
Amy checked her watch in the kitchen, biting her lip, Come on Xander, I can only hold her so long.
“Here’s your tea. Remember that time we went up to New York for the Monet exhibit and had lunch at that little diner around the corner from the museum. You tried to order sweet tea and the waitress said it was out of season. It was October!”
“Damn it,” Caroline said abruptly, “it’s only New York. It’s not that far and right now I’m wishing it were farther. I won’t be sorry that I’m moving away; I’m not betraying anyone.”
“Um. Ok. I’ll keep my amusing stories and memories of us until you’re feeling less martyred,” Amy answered tightly. “Getting mad at me or your mom or anyone else here who loves you isn’t going to make you miss us any less or make you feel better about running away.”
“Amy,” Caroline said, but Amy turned away, saying, “I’ve got to get back to the truck.”
Caroline watched her disappear out the front door. Well, that went well. I’m not running away. I just can’t be here or face him. Ok, so maybe I am running away but at least I’m running to something at the same time. She put her tea glass down on the coffee table and fingered the letter still in her hand. Huh. Everyone knows I’m leaving; I wonder who wrote me an actual letter instead of an email? “Oh,” she said out loud. “Of course.” Xander. For a second she thought about opening it, but then she remembered how she felt when she saw him with Kiki, Kiki, for god’s sake, and how she felt when she saw Nick... No second chances. She addressed another envelope to Xander, tore up his letter and stuffed it inside. There; maybe he’ll finally get the message. At least he’ll have his wife to comfort him.
She grabbed her backpack and went down to face the music.
“Amy, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been impossible since this all happened but I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
“I know,” Amy said, “and I know you’re hurting, but you just seem so eager to move out of here that it hurts me in return. Can’t you just wait a bit so we can all get used to the idea?”
“Oh, honey, I never meant to make you feel that way. I’m going to miss you terribly,” Caroline said, “I wish you would come with me. But I have to go. Being here is making me crazy.”
“Why don’t you talk to him, just to hear him out? Don’t you think you’d feel better?”
“No. I don’t. What’s going to make me feel better is forgetting he ever existed.” And with that she hugged Amy and Jimmy and hauled herself up behind the wheel of the U-Haul. “I’ll call you when I get there.”
“We’ll miss you,” they called. “Drive safe.”
As the truck pulled out of the driveway, Amy sighed. “Damn it. Where is he?” she muttered.
A tan Accord screeched to a halt at the curb and Xander shot out of the driver’s seat almost before the car had stopped moving. “There was a wreck on the bridge, but I’m here. Where is she?” His face fell as the noticed the empty driveway.
“I missed her, didn’t I?”
Amy looked up the street, but the U-Haul was gone and Caroline with it.
“I’m sorry. I think that was your last shot,” she said softly.
“I know. It’s over.” And before Amy could tell if he was crying, Xander climbed back in his car and drove away in the opposite direction.

Repost of edited Novel Chapters

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 18:29:33 GMT

Chapter 3
“Ah, another Star Wars fan,” he said. “How unexpected.”
Caroline looked at him over the table, planning a snappy reply. “Why, cause I’m a…” she stuttered, as his soft brown eyes met hers.
“Girl?” he finished. “No, because I wasn’t sure there were any fellow nerds here. This crowd seems more like the Grey’s Anatomy/Jackass type.”
“First, I’m not a nerd or a girl. Why would you start off a conversation with a woman,” she emphasized, “by accusing her of being a nerd?” Caroline had recovered from her stumble but was having trouble staying indignant as she watched him smile.
“Because it’s a compliment in my book,” he answered.
“Oh.” Caroline cursed her Irish blood, and felt the blush sweeping over her fair skin. She waited for him to say something about her skin matching her hair, as if he were the first to think of that line.
“Let’s start over. My name’s Xander.”
“Hey, nice to meet you.” Small talk was easy as long as she didn’t look at him. “I’m Caroline.” She looked at him. Brown eyes, brown hair, just an inch or two taller than she was. Just the right height for kissing. She gave herself a mental shake. Kissing? Where did that come from? “Wait, Xander, as in Buffy?”
Xander chuckled. “See, I knew you had the heart of a geek under all that hotness.”
“Um, I may have…” Caroline said distractedly, “a few action figures.” I may have a few action figures? What am I saying? That’s almost as bad as ‘I carried a watermelon.’
“…so I have some original GI Joes, but I never got into any other action figure collecting. Do you like comic books too?” Xander paused. He’d lost her. Her eyes were glazing over because he didn’t have the sense to keep his mouth shut about his lame hobbies. Time to bail before things got worse and she actually fell asleep. “Ok, well, I need another beer. It was nice talking to you.”
He turned and was swallowed up by the crowd around the keg before Caroline realized he was leaving.
“Wait,” she called out, but the music was too loud. Hmm. Did I read him wrong? she thought. Whatever. There are a lot of guys at this party, even a few I’ve never met. She paused. But, he was kind of cute, in a Lloyd Dobbler way. Ah, the perfect boyfriend. How many men around the world had been rejected because of the Lloyd Dobbler standard? But Caroline knew that was a myth. No man had ever stood in the rain with a boombox to win her or gone to Paris for her. And it was seriously unlikely that this man would either. Although, Caroline admitted to herself, my standards weren’t really that high. A boyfriend who wouldn’t cheat on her; that’s all she was looking for. Not that she was looking.
“So, Caroline,” squealed a voice to her left, “what did you think of Xander?”
“Oh, hey, Zoe, how’re you?”
“Isn’t he a doll? Of course, he is way too young for you. A baby, really.”
Caroline wasn’t sure if she should pull her hair over her forehead to hide the crows feet or push it back to hide the grey.
Zoe nattered on, smiling a little too sweetly, “If you like I could introduce you to one of the men I work with. They’re all too old for me, but I know they’d love to meet a nice woman their age.”
Wow, Caroline thought, that was a bit obvious even for Zoe. “Zoe, it is just so sweet of you to look out for me like that,” she sugared back. “You are such a good friend.” She held on to her smile as she added, “And I think you’re so brave and sensible not to worry about your hair. I should take a lesson from you and not think about how I look so much.”
Zoe’s face fell as her hand went to her hair. Caroline felt a little bad when Zoe walked off without a word. But only a tiny bit bad, she thought. Zoe’s deserved that for a long time, and her hair could actually use some work, so it was for the best.
Although honestly, she thought, I should thank her. If she hadn’t been such a bitch about it, I’d have the balls to do this.
Caroline headed over to the pool table, grabbing a jello shot of the counter for a little extra courage. She was pretty sure she’d seen some wide shoulders and brown hair over that way. Mmmm, red, my favorite.

Chapter 4
Xander could see Caroline talking to some blonde girl from where he stood. He was supposedly playing pool, but really he was staring across the room, watching Caroline smile and gesture. What had gotten in to him? Well, that was rhetorical. He knew exactly what had happened. He came to this party expecting to see the same skinny, blonde, Abercrombie wearing girls he saw at all of the parties Mike dragged him to, but Mike had told him this party would be different. “It’s not the usual crowd,” he’d said, “carriage people. They’re all a bit odd. You’ll like’em.”
And he did like them. Particularly this girl; this ‘not a geek’ geek girl. When he’d provoked her, out of habit, she’d come to life and he’d seen that the fire in her eyes matched the fire of her hair. He loved smart redheads, and her body…wow. Curvy in all the right places, she didn’t look so fragile he could hurt her with a good hug. She looked, well, he thought, gorgeous. But he’d screwed up. Damn, he thought unhappily.
"Come on, Xander, take the shot," he heard Mike say. "Twenty bucks says you blow it."
Xander turned his attention back to the game. He lined up his shot, his eyes tracking the path of the ball into the corner pocket, but then his eyes were caught by movement at the end of the table. Caroline leaned over opposite him, the movement causing the neckline of her shirt to fall dangerously low. "Good luck," she murmured, but Xander didn’t hear her. All he could hear was his heartbeat as he stared at that glimpse of creamy white skin.
He took the shot blindly, sinking the eight ball in the corner pocket by pure luck, and then tossed the cue on the table. “So. How would you feel about going outside for some…air.”
“I like air,” Caroline answered. “Also, we could make out.” She winked and started making her way to the door. Holy shit, she thought, did I really just say that.
Xander stopped for a second, stunned. I’ve won the lottery, he thought, she’s freakin perfect.
Moving quickly, he walked out on the porch, to see a flash of Caroline’s yellow shirt from the stairs to the second floor piazza.
“Hey! Where are you going? That’s someone else’s apartment up there, you know!”
“Shhhhh! I know,” she whispered, “that’s why you need to be much quieter. Now, come on up to see what I’ve found.”
Torn for only a second, Xander bounded, as quietly as he could, up the stairs to find Caroline curled up in a rope hammock strung between the house and post of the porch roof. She smiled at him lazily, and, powered by the cumulative effect of five beers and two jello shots, said, “Hey, sailor. Come here often?” She realized, as he lifted an eyebrow and snorted, that that had sounded quite a bit dirtier than she’d meant.
“Um, no, first time. Well, not my first time, but, you know, the first time in a while. The first time on shore. I mean, I have some shore leave…” Xander trailed off incoherently.
Caroline had closed her eyes and was laughing tipsily as the hammock swayed. She felt it stop for a second then swing harder and as she started to open her eyes, Xander kissed her. Hard.
Oh, thought Caroline, that’s nice. And then she didn’t think for a while.
As the party died down on the first floor, people shouted their goodbyes and last hurrahs as car doors slammed. The streets slowly quieted and the softer sounds of the blue herons in the fountain next door and the wind rustling through the confederate Jessamine grew as the moon rose and the night darkened.
In the hammock, Caroline and Xander didn’t notice the birds or the full moon or even, hours later, the sunrise. They didn’t notice the footsteps coming up the stairs until they’d stopped next to the hammock.
“Someone’s been sleeping in my bed,” someone growled. “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed,” the same voice said sweetly. “Well, someone’s been sleeping in my bed, and here she is!” he called, this time in a baby voice. “Goldilocks! Goldilocks, wake up!”
Xander froze when he heard the intruder, thinking panicked thoughts about the whereabouts of his pants, but Caroline only blushed and then called out, “Baby Bear, Baby Bear, what are you doing home?”
“I live here, remember? I get to come here whenever I feel like it. The question is: why did you spend the night in my hammock when you have a perfectly good bed three blocks away?”
“Um,” Caroline began, “Brent, if you’ll just turn around for a minute, I’ll get out and explain.”
“Wait, are you naked?” Brent exclaimed. “Why are you naked in my hammock? This is going to be a great explanation, I can tell already.”
Caroline quickly threw herself out of the hammock and tossed Xander his pants and t-shirt. She shimmied back into her clothes, and moved closer to Brent, who still had his back turned, trying to urge him closer to the door.
“This is a really good story, Brent, maybe I could tell it inside? The mosquitoes are starting to eat me alive.”
She slipped her arm around his waist and he shrugged and started to head in the house. A muffled, “Damn it,” stopped him in his tracks, and he looked suspiciously at Caroline and then at the cursing hammock.
“You know, in then story, Goldilocks is alone in that bed,” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I know,” Caroline sighed. “Ok, Xander, the jig is up. Might as well get out of that thing and meet Brent.” “Brent, Xander. Xander, Brent.”
Xander managed to get untangled from the hammock and came over to shake Brent’s hand. “Hey, nice to meet you. Sorry about, um, borrowing your hammock.”
“No problem,” Brent said, “it usually gets borrowed by someone after a downstairs party, but not usually by Caroline.” He looked at Xander appraisingly. “Nice to meet you, too.”
“Ok, well, we’ve got to get going,” Caroline said quickly, “Brent, it was lovely to see you; I’ll call you later.” She grabbed Xander’s hand as she stepped towards the stairs. “Have a nice morning.”
Brent watched them go, laughing a bit, and called off the balcony, “Don’t forget--I still want to hear that story you promised me.”
Caroline turned a bit redder as she ducked under the ivy hanging off the door to the street. “Just ignore him,” she whispered to Xander. “He’ll come by later to pester me for the scoop but he won’t spread it around or anything.”
“It’s’okay,” Xander said quietly, “getting caught in someone else’s hammock is pretty funny.” Even more quietly, “Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.”
“I’m laughing now,” Caroline said. “I’m sure you’ll feel more amused after a cup of coffee.”
Xander stopped, stunned, as Caroline sashayed off, feeling rather pleased with herself.
Wow, Xander thought dazedly, I could marry this girl.

Chapter 5

It was early for a Saturday so the coffee shop wasn’t too crowded, even with the Farmer’s Market about to start across the street. The coffee shop, Caroline scoffed to herself, as if it were some hipster hangout instead of a Starbucks. Concentrating on the evils of corporate branding was better than thinking about the guy in line with her. What had gotten in to her last night? Well, she giggled to herself, I know what got into me.
“Sorry about Brent,” she said, “I didn’t plan for us to fall asleep, and plus he usually stays at his boyfriend’s place every weekend. I’ve known him forever; we even dated once before he came out. His house was just down from mine when we lived on Tradd St and…” Oh my god, she thought, shut up, shut up already! I’m babbling like the village idiot. Stupid morning after crap. “…so anyway, that’s his story.” How does Amy do this? Right, she says she has to work early or slides out before they wake up. Well, I’m not going to wait for him to say that he’s got to play golf or whatever.
“Thanks for the coffee,” she blurted as she held out her hand.
Xander looked a bit confused, but took it and shook gently. “Um, ok, well, it was nice to meet you, Caroline. Hopefully, I’ll see you around.”
Oh my God, he just said he would ‘see me around.’ I was right. Fuck. Why are they all such asses? she asked herself as she shook his hand and made polite noises.
“Sure, sure. I’m always around. Ok, well, I’m heading that way,” pointing down King Street, “so have a nice day. Bye.”
Caroline stopped at the corner and stared blankly at the traffic for a minute. I’m always around? What the hell does that mean? Dammit.
Still by their table, Xander was having the same thoughts. ‘See you around?’ What am I, the world’s biggest asshole? Dammit, I really liked her. And I thought she liked me but then it seemed like she was blowing me off. Still, no reason to act like a dick. God knows this isn’t as awkward as my last morning after.
Xander leapt up and dashed off in the direction Caroline had gone.
“Caroline, wait!” he called. “Caroline!”
She turned around in the crosswalk. “I don’t want to see you around. I want to see you today. Let’s have lunch. Or dinner. Or a movie. Something. I feel like if I let you walk away right now, I’ll never see you again.”
That may be the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me, Caroline thought. Clearly, I’ve been dating the wrong guys.
“Lunch would be great. And I wasn’t taking off because I don’t like you, I was just...”
“Trying to blow me off before I could do it to you? Yeah, I understand.” He smiled and she felt warmer. “Anyway, lunch and then we’ll see. How ‘bout I pick you up in an hour or so? Mike said you live on Wentworth?”
He asked Mike about me, she thought giddily, as she gave him directions to her apartment, I feel like I’m in junior high. He likes me, he likes me not, he likes me.
Still, she thought as she began walking home, that was awkward. But he doesn’t seem to think I’m too crazy. Lunch. I guess that means it’s a date. Guess we’ve already answered the question of sex on the first date. Nice. But he said he liked me. I think I like him. And he’s good in hammock. She smirked, remembering.
“Hey! Hey, stranger!” called a voice from above her. Caroline looked up. Amy was lounging in a lawn chair on their piazza. “Where were you all night?” she yelled down. “Don’t tell me you were with that boy from the party last night.”
“I might have been,” teased Caroline. “But you don’t get the whole story unless you help me get ready for, drum roll, please, my date!”
“Woo-hoo! Caroline’s got a date!” Amy shouted. “Come on up; I wanna hear all about him before you leave.”
She tore off her clothes on the way to the shower, tossing them in the direction of her room. “Could you grab me some clothes?”
“Sure. So what happened last night? I heard you left with Mike’s friend…”
“Yep. Xander. He’s a cutie—really smart and funny, and we spent the night in Brent’s hammock,” Caroline said in a rush.
“In the hammock? Crazy. So, how was it?”
“What? I can’t hear you; the shower’s too loud,” Caroline yelled.
“I said I’m about to flush the toilet unless I get some details.”
“Aigh, no, no! I’ll tell. It was excellent and he was so sweet. I totally tried to get rid of him this morning before he could get rid of me—you know how awkward that whole morning after thing can be…so I tried to shake his hand, but...” Amy’s laughter cut her off. “No, it seemed like a good idea.”
“Ok, ok, so you shook hands with a guy you just slept with. Then what?”
“No, I thanked him for the coffee and said I had to go. Then he said he would see me around.”
“Ouch!”
“I know, right? So I thought I was right, that he was a jerk, but then he followed me a minute later and told me that he really liked me.” She smiled happily.

(transition, new chapter?)

Brrrriing! Brrrriiing!
There he is, Amy thought. Time to check out this new Prince Charming. I hope he’s the real thing; Caroline deserves someone good after that cheatin’ bastard broke her heart.
She pulled the door open quickly, hoping to catch Xander offguard. “Yes?” She tried to look aloof.
“Hi, um, I’m here for Caroline?” Xander said. “She asked me to meet her here.”
“I’m Amy, Caroline’s roommate and you must be Xander. Come on in.”
“Thanks.” Xander looked around as Amy cleared off a space on the couch. “Wow,” he exclaimed, “that’s a lot of books.” Floor to ceiling bookshelves covered the walls around the room. Books were stacked on top of books, falling out of the shelves, and lying in piles on the floor.
“Yep. That’s what happens when two English majors live together. If one of us ever moves out, I don’t know how we’re going to divide them up.”
Amy looked around, and picked up a large thick paperback. “Of course, sometimes it’s clear—the Hellboy comic books? Hers.”
A voice came from the hall, and Caroline followed, laughing. “How many times do I have to say it? They’re graphic novels, darn it, not comic books.”
“Right, right, and the little dolls on the mantel?”
“Action figures,” Xander replied before Caroline could say anything. The woman exchanged amused glances.
“See?” said Caroline.
“Oh, yes,” Amy responded, “a geek after your own heart.”
“You’re one to talk,” Caroline said, “Xander, see that model of the spaceship on top of the bookshelf by the window?”
Xander turned around. “Um, yeah, wow, it looks like…”
“That’s Amy’s scale model of the Battlestar Gallactica.”
Xander burst into laughter as Amy blushed. ‘Dammit, now you’ve told my darkest secret. I wonder what I should tell Xander in return about you...”
“No, no,” Caroline, “we’ve got to get going now.” She grabbed Xander by the hand, pulling him to the door, “Come on.”
“Wait, I wouldn’t mind hanging out a while longer; the conversation was just getting interesting.” He winked at Amy.
“Bye, Amy,” Caroline said firmly.

Chapter 6

Caroline could hear her cell phone but she couldn’t find it underneath the receipts and gum wrappers and lip glosses that seemed to pile up on their own in her purse. Don’t hang up, she thought, whoever you are, hold on another second. “Hello?”
“Hey, Jimmy,” she said delightedly, “How are you? How are the wedding plans? Set a date yet?”…“June, wonderful. It’ll be awfully warm here though.”…”Oh, tonight? No, we can’t make it tonight, maybe next week.”…”Embarrassingly enough, it’s our 3 month anniversary—he’s taking me out to dinner to celebrate.”…”Thanks. Ok, I’ll call you about next week.”…”Bye.”
Caroline dropped the phone back in her purse. Three months. The time had gone so quickly since their first date. She chuckled. What a date. First we slept together, then we got to know each other. But I was right about him; he’s a good guy. And he loves me. I think. Sometimes he looks at me and it feels like he’s going to say it, like he wants to say it, but he doesn’t. Maybe tonight. Of course, she admitted to herself, I haven’t been totally honest with him, emotionally anyway. He’s probably wondering how I feel. Great, two scaredy-cats in love. I think tonight I need to tell him him about Nick. She took a deep breath. Now, if only I can do that without crying. Or breaking something.
Let’s try a practice run, she said out loud, “Hey, Xander, before I tell you that I’ve been in love with you practically since we met, I need to tell you all about my asshole ex-fiance, who, it turned out, cheated on me for just about the whole ten years of our relationship, even after he’d proposed. I thought he was my soul mate, until I caught him in bed with my best friend at the time, and then I, very maturely, put the ring on the nightstand and left. I wish that last part were true. I guess I have to tell him what really happened as mortifying as it is. Actually, I threw a lamp at this head and he had to go to the hospital to get stitches. As he’s putting in clothes for the drive, blood pouring from his head, he takes the opportunity to tell me everything he really thinks about me: I’m not generous enough in bed, I’m inhibited (you know, because I won’t have a threesome), I have no ambition, I’m immature, and, of course, I’m fat. He didn’t plan on telling me any of this; he thought I’d be a good mother so he was going to keep Katrina as his mistress and marry me anyway. When he said he was in love with us both, I started throwing whatever I could grab. And the the cops came.
Wow, I really don’t want to tell someone all that. What if he secretly agrees with Nick? I am still fat, although I don’t think he has any complaints in bed. Of course, I didn’t think Nick did either. What if he thinks I over reacted? Well, if he does, he’s not worth it either…I do love him, though.

Caroline could hear the music coming out of the bar from a block away. She shifted the small package under her arm. Oh, I hope he likes his present, she thought. She smiled thinking of the picture of them dancing arm in arm at the beach, now framed and wrapped..
Even though the music was loud, the bar seemed quiet. She said “hi” to the old bartender, Sam, but he didn’t smile back, and when she looked around, none of the regulars would meet her gaze. As she walked into the back room, she saw why. Xander was at their usual table and so was someone else. A someone else who was kissing him rather enthusiastically. She watched, frozen, for a minute, her brain deciding between fight or flight. As Xander pushed the other woman away from him, he looked up and saw Caroline in the doorway.
“Caroline! Wait, please, let me explain.”
“Explain why you were kissing another woman? I’m not sure there can possibly be a good answer for that.” Please, please let there be a good answer, please. I can’t take it if he has another girlfriend. Especially not one wearing clear heels.
“Oh,” said the other woman, getting up from the table, “can a man not kiss his wife?”
“Kiki, not right now!” Xander said roughly, but she just laughed. He looked at Caroline who had turned white. “Caroline, I promise I can explain. See, I was in Vegas and Kiki…”
“Kiki, being your wife. The woman you married.”
He nodded. “But…”
She cut him off, “And you’ve been married the entire time we’ve been together.”
“Yes, but I thought…”
“I don’t care what you thought. I just…” The walls felt like they were closing in. I can’t do this again. I can’t. “I have to go.” As he begged her to stop, she brushed by him, blinded by tears.

Chapter 5?

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 17:56:55 GMT

     It was early for a Saturday so the coffee shop wasn’t too crowded, even with the Farmer’s Market about to start across the street. The coffee shop, Caroline scoffed to herself, as if it were some hipster hangout instead of a Starbucks. Concentrating on the evils of corporate branding was better than thinking about the guy in line with her. What had gotten in to her last night? Well, she giggled to herself, I know what got into me, if you know what I mean.
    “What’s so funny,” asked Xander.
    “Was that my out loud voice? Um. I was just saying something to myself and added ‘if you know what I mean’ and I laughed because that makes anything sound, you know, raunchy.”
    “Were you thinking something raunchy?” Xander gave her a half smile.
Caroline was saved from answering by the barista saying, “Welcome to Starbucks.”
    “It’s our turn. What kind of coffee do you want?”
    “Venti Americano, please.”
    “Is this together or separate,” asked the girl behind the counter.
    “Together,” Xander said right as Caroline said, “Separate.”
    “Oh,” said Caroline, “are you sure? I mean, I can get my own. It’s not like this is, well…” she trailed off.
    “Together. Venti Americano for me and whatever the gorgeous woman next to me wants.”
The barista snickered.
    “A venti nonfat half-caff mocha light foam touch of cinnamon with whip.”
The barista stopped snickering.
Coffees in hand, they wandered over to the Farmer’s Market. It was a beautiful day with just enough clouds to keep the sun from ruining the fun of being outside. Caroline wandered in and out of the jewelry stalls while he followed along, content to look with her. She tried the handmade hand creams and the homemade pickles and Xander watched as she petted the dogs who came by, spoke to the little kids and smiled at everyone.
    “Ooo,” she said suddenly, “have you ever had those little donuts they make fresh right in front of you? Those are awesome. If you’ll snag a table in the shade, I’ll stand in line and bring them over.”
    “Sure. I think I see someone getting up now.”
The donut line wasn’t too long, so Caroline was soon able to drop the basket of hot donuts on the little café table.
    “I wasn’t sure if you wanted powdered sugar or cinnamon, so I got both.”
    “Awesome! I would’ve liked either; this is even better.”
For a few quiet minutes they concentrated on the hot donuts and the coffee. Fortified, Xander leaned back and then laughed as he looked at Caroline.
    “Waugh?” she asked, her mouth full of pastry.
    “You’re covered in powdered sugar,” he replied. “Covered.”
Caroline swallowed and stood up to brush herself off.
    “That’s how you know there’s enough sugar,” she said, “if there’s enough to powder you too.” She paused. “Anyway, that was the last one, so…I’m sure you’ve got plans today. Thanks for the coffee.” There, she thought, now he’s got an exit that’s not too awkward. She held out her hand.
    Xander looked a bit confused, but took it and shook gently. “It was nice to meet you, Caroline. Hopefully, I’ll see you around.”
    Oh my God, he just said he would ‘see me around.’ I was right. Fuck. Why are they all such asses? she asked herself as she shook his hand and made polite noises.
    “Sure, sure. I’m always around. Ok, well, I’m heading that way,” pointing to the south end of the park, “so have a nice day. Bye.”
Caroline threw her coffee cup in the trash can on her way to the park exit. She stopped by the fountain and stared blankly in the water for a minute. I’m always around? What the hell does that mean? Dammit.
    Still by their table, Xander was having the same thoughts. ‘See you around?’ What am I, the world’s biggest asshole? Dammit, I really liked her. And I thought she liked me but then it seemed like she was blowing me off. Still, no reason to act like a dick.
The squirrel climbing up the side of the table was startled into chattering angrily as Xander leapt up and dashed off in the direction Caroline had gone.
    “Caroline, wait!” he called. Was that her red hair shining like a beacon just past that family of German tourists? Yes, there she was, still in the park, throwing pennies in the fountain.
“Entschuldigen Sie,” Xander said as he slipped past the German family. “Excuse me, please.” He stood behind Caroline as she faced the fountain. “Penny for your thoughts, miss?”
    Caroline froze, her arm still in the air as her penny bounced off the stone rim into the water. Her voice deceptively casual, she spoke while still facing away from him. “I was wishing for a do-over on a very important conversation I just had with a guy that I might like a lot. I won’t get to find out without a do-over though since I just blew him off in a preemptive strike.”
    A penny flew past her. “There. I wish for another shot too. I’d like to not sound like such an asshole this time. Let me go ahead and say, in case I mess this up again, that I had a great time with you and I’d like to see you again, if you’re willing. I also have no plans for today and would love to take you to lunch, maybe after we change clothes.”
    Caroline turned around smiling. “I’d love to have lunch, but, dear lord, I would love to get out of this outfit, maybe even take a shower. How ‘bout we go home to change and then meet back up in an hour or so?”
    “Great. What do you feel like for lunch? We could go over to Towne Center for lunch and a movie or hang out downtown…”
    “Let’s stay downtown—we could watch a movie at my place if we get a thunderstorm this afternoon, but it’s such a pretty day, maybe we could walk down to the Battery or something.”
    ‘Well, we had breakfast in this park, I wouldn’t mind lunch in another. I could pick up gyros from Papa Zuzu’s, if you like.”
    “Mmm, that’s be great. Extra tzatziki on mine, please, and no veggies, just sauce and meat. And then, just come over to my apartment and we can walk down from there. That’ll give me time to shower and everything.”
    “Cool. I’ll run home, stop by Papa Zuzu’s and see you at your place.” Xander leaned in for a quick kiss and grinned. “See you soon.”
    Caroline had the same smile on her face as she started to walk away. “Hold on,” she called, “you don’t know where I live.”
    “Oh, right,” Xander said, feeling a bit silly but not caring, “where’s your place?”
    “On Wentworth, just down from the fire station. The third single house on the left. Look for the blue piazza door and then come up to the third floor.”
Caroline was lost in thought as she crossed Calhoun and began the walk down the Wentworth Street. Well, that was awkward. Hopefully he doesn’t think I’m too crazy after that. But breakfast and now lunch and he even mentioned a movie. So we’re making a day of it. And a date of it? I guess so. A date. Hmm. She turned onto Wentworth at Jim and Nick’s BBQ. What should I wear? Is this a real date or does he feel like he needs to spend time with me cause we did it? He said he liked me though. I think I like him. And he’s good in hammock. She smirked, remembering.
    “Hey! Hey, stranger!” called a voice from above her. Caroline looked up. Home, sweet home, she thought. Amy was lounging in a lawn chair on their piazza. “Where were you all night?” she yelled down. “Don’t tell me you were with that boy from the party last night.”
    “I might have been,” teased Caroline. “But you don’t get the whole story unless you help me get ready for, drum roll, please, my date!”
    “Woo-hoo! Caroline’s got a date!” Amy shouted. “Come on up; I wanna hear all about him before you leave.”
    “Ok, but he’s picking me up here in less than an hour so I have to hurry,” Caroline said as she ran up the stairs. “Come in the house and I’ll talk while I get ready.”
She tore off her clothes on the way to the shower, tossing them in the direction of her room. “Could you pull out my jeans and that top with the butterflies on it for me?”
    “Sure, I got it. So what happened last night? I heard you left with Mike’s friend…”
    “Yep. Xander. He’s a cutie—really smart and funny, and we spent the night in Brent’s hammock,” Caroline said in a rush, “and then had coffee and donuts at the Farmer’s Market this morning.”
    “In the hammock? Crazy. But awesome. So, how was it?”
    “What? I can’t hear you; the shower’s too loud,” Caroline yelled.
    “I said I’m about to flush the toilet unless I get some details.”
    “Aigh, no, no! I’ll tell. It was excellent and he was so sweet. I totally tried to get rid of him this morning before he could get rid of me—you know how awkward that whole morning after thing can be…”
    “Yeah, that’s why I like to stay at their place. Then I can claim an early day at work or an early riding lesson and slide out before they want to do anything else.”
    “Exactly. So I tried to shake his hand, but...” Amy’s laughter cut her off. “No, it seemed like a good idea.”
    “Ok, ok, so you shook hands with a guy you just slept with. Did you try to give him a parting gift or anything?”
    “No, I just thanked him for the coffee and said I had to go. Then he said he would see me around.”
    “Ouch!”
    “I know, right? So I thought I was right, that he was a jerk or you know, just not that into me. But then he followed me a minute later and told me that he really liked me and wanted to hang out today.”
    “Awwwwwwww! That’s so cute. Where are you guys going?”
    “He’s getting gyros and we’re going to White Point Gardens to have a picnic and walk around.” Caroline stepped out of the shower to dry off. “Hey, don’t forget to get my clothes. I’m gonna dry my hair so if he comes while I’m under the blow dryer, please don’t interrogate him too much.”
    “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Amy grumbled as she walked into Caroline’s bedroom. “butterfly shirt, butterfly shirt,” she mumbled under her breath, “oh, there it is.” She laid it on the bed with a pair of jeans.
Brrrriing! Brrrriiing!
There he is, Amy thought. Time to check out this new Prince Charming.

Chapter 4

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:29:18 GMT

Xander could see Caroline talking to some blonde girl from where he stood. He was supposedly playing pool, but really he was staring across the room, watching Caroline smile and gesture. What had gotten in to him? Well, that was rhetorical. He knew exactly what had happened. He came to this party expecting to see the same skinny, blonde, Abercrombie wearing girls he saw at all of the parties Mike dragged him to, but Mike had told him this party would be different. “It’s not the usual crowd,” he’d said, “carriage people. They’re all a bit odd. You’ll like’em.”
    And he did like them. Particularly this girl; this ‘not a geek’ geek girl. When he’d provoked her, out of habit, she’d come to life and he’d seen that the fire in her eyes matched the fire of her hair. He loved smart redheads, and her body…wow. Curvy in all the right places, she didn’t look so fragile he could hurt her with a good hug. She looked, well, he thought, gorgeous. But he’d screwed up. Damn, he thought unhappily.
    "Come on, Xander, take the shot," he heard Mike say. "Twenty bucks says you blow it."
Xander turned his attention back to the game. He lined up his shot, his eyes tracking the path of the ball into the corner pocket, but then his eyes were caught by movement at the end of the table. Caroline leaned over opposite him, the movement causing the neckline of her shirt to fall dangerously low. "Good luck," she murmured, but Xander didn’t hear her. All he could hear was his heartbeat as he stared at that glimpse of creamy white skin.
    He took the shot blindly, sinking the eight ball in the corner pocket by pure luck, and then tossed the cue on the table. “So. How would you feel about going outside for some…air.”
    “I like air,” Caroline answered. “Also, we could make out.” She winked and started making her way to the door.
Xander stopped for a second, stunned. I’ve won the lottery, he thought, she’s freakin perfect.
Moving quickly, he walked out on the porch, to see a flash of Caroline’s yellow shirt from the stairs to the second floor piazza.
    “Hey! Where are you going? That’s someone else’s apartment up there, you know!”
    “Shhhhh! I know,” she whispered, “that’s why you need to be much quieter. Now, come on up to see what I’ve found.”
Torn for only a second, Xander bounded, as quietly as he could, up the stairs to find Caroline curled up in a rope hammock strung between the house and post of the porch roof. She smiled at him lazily, and, powered by the cumulative effect of five beers and two jello shots, said, “Hey, sailor. Come here often?” She realized, as he lifted an eyebrow and snorted that that had sounded quite a but dirtier than she meant.
    “Um, no, first time. Well, not my first time, but, you know, the first time in a while. The first time on shore. I mean, I have some shore leave…” Xander trailed off incoherently.
Caroline had closed her eyes and was laughing tipsily as the hammock swayed. She felt it stop for a second then swing harder and as she started to open her eyes, Xander kissed her. Hard.
    Oh, she thought, that’s nice. And then she didn’t think for a while.
As the party died down on the first floor, people shouted their goodbyes and last hurrahs as car doors slammed. The streets slowly quieted and the softer sounds of the blue herons in the fountain next door and the wind rustling through the confederate Jessamine grew as the moon rose and the night darkened.
In the hammock, Caroline and Xander didn’t notice the birds or the Jessamine or even the full moon. They didn’t even notice the footsteps coming up the stairs until they’d stopped next to the hammock.
    “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed,” someone growled. “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed,” the same voice said sweetly. “Well, someone’s been sleeping in my bed, and here she is!” he called, this time in a baby voice. “Goldilocks! Goldilocks, wake up!”
Xander froze when he heard the intruder, thinking panicked thoughts about the whereabouts of his pants, but Caroline only blushed and then called out, “Baby Bear, Baby Bear, what are you doing home?”
    “I live here, remember? I get to come here whenever I feel like it. The question is: why are you sleeping in my hammock when you have a perfectly good bed three blocks away?”
    “Um,” Caroline began, “Brent, if you’ll just turn around for a minute, I’ll get out and explain.”
    “Wait, are you naked?” Brent exclaimed. “Why are you naked in my hammock? This is going to be a great explanation, I can tell already.”
Caroline quickly threw herself out of the hammock and tossed Xander his pants and t-shirt. She shimmied back into her clothes, and moved closer to Brent, who still had his back turned, trying to urge him closer to the door.
    “This is a really good story, Brent, maybe I could tell it inside? The mosquitoes are starting to eat me alive.”
She slipped her arm around his waist and he shrugged and started to head in the house. A muffled, “Damn it,” stopped him in his tracks, and he looked suspiciously at Caroline and then at the cursing hammock.
    “You know, in then story, Goldilocks is alone in that bed,” he chuckled.
    “Yeah, I know,” Caroline sighed. “Ok, Xander, the jig is up. Might as well get out of that thing and meet Brent.” “Brent, Xander. Xander, Brent.”
    Xander managed to get untangled from the hammock and came over to shake Brent’s hand. “Hey, nice to meet you. Sorry about, um, borrowing your hammock.”
    “No problem,” Brent said, “it usually gets borrowed by someone after a downstairs party, but not usually by Caroline.” He looked at Xander appraisingly. “Nice to meet you, too.”
    “Ok, well, we’ve got to get going,” Caroline said quickly, “Brent, it was lovely to see you; I’ll call you later.” She grabbed Xander’s hand as she stepped towards the stairs. “Have a nice morning.”
Brent watched them go, laughing a bit, and called off the balcony, “Don’t forget--I still want to hear that story you promised me.”
Caroline turned a bit redder as she ducked under the ivy hanging off the door to the street. “Just ignore him,” she whispered to Xander. “He’ll come by later to pester me for the scoop but he won’t spread it around or anything.”
    “It’s’okay,” Xander said quietly, “getting caught in someone else’s hammock is pretty funny.” Even more quietly, “Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.”
       “I’m laughing now,” Caroline said. “I’m sure you’ll feel more amused after a cup of coffee.”
Xander stopped, stunned, as Caroline sashayed off, feeling rather pleased with herself.
    Wow, Xander thought dazedly, I could marry this girl.

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 19:13:54 GMT

<lj-cut text="Chapter 3">

“Ah, another Star Wars fan,” he said. “How unexpected.”
Caroline looked at him over the table, planning a snappy reply. “Why, cause I’m a…” she stuttered, as his soft brown eyes met hers.
    “Girl?” he finished. “No, because I wasn’t sure there were any fellow nerds here. This crowd seems more like the Grey’s Anatomy/Jackass type.”
    “First, I’m not a nerd or a girl. Why would you start off a conversation with a woman,” she emphasized, “by accusing her of being a nerd?” Caroline had recovered from her stumble but was having trouble staying indignant as she watched him smile.
    “Because it’s a compliment in my book,” he answered.
    “Oh.” Caroline cursed her Irish blood, and felt the blush sweeping over her fair skin. She waited for him to say something about her skin matching her hair, as if he were the first to think of that line.
    “Let’s start over. My name’s Xander.”
    “Hey, nice to meet you.” Small talk was easy as long as she didn’t look at him. “I’m Caroline.” She looked at him. Brown eyes, brown hair, just an inch or two taller than she was. Just the right height for kissing. She gave herself a mental shake. Kissing? Where did that come from? “Wait, Xander, as in Buffy?”
    Xander chuckled. “See, I knew you had the heart of a geek under all that hotness.”
    “Um, I may have…” Caroline said distractedly, “a few action figures.” I may have a few action figures? What am I saying? That’s almost as bad as ‘I carried a watermelon.’
    “…so I have some original GI Joes, but I never got into any other action figure collecting. Do you like comic books too?” Xander paused. He’d lost her. Her eyes were glazing over because he didn’t have the sense to keep his mouth shut about his lame hobbies. Time to bail before things got worse and she actually fell asleep. “Ok, well, I need another beer. It was nice talking to you.”
    He turned and was swallowed up by the crowd around the keg before Caroline realized he was leaving.
    “Wait,” she called out, but the music was too loud. Hmm. Did I read him wrong? she thought. Whatever. There are a lot of guys at this party, even a few I’ve never met. She paused. But, he was kind of cute, in a Lloyd Dobbler way. Ah, the perfect boyfriend. How many men around the world had been rejected because of the Lloyd Dobbler standard? But Caroline knew that was a myth. No man had ever stood in the rain with a boombox to win her or gone to Paris for her. And it was seriously unlikely that this man would either. Although, Caroline admitted to herself, her standards weren’t really that high. A boyfriend who wouldn’t cheat on her; that’s all she was looking for. Not that she was looking.
    “So, Caroline,” squealed a voice to her left, “what did you think of Xander?”
    “Oh, hey, Zoe, how’re you?”
    “Isn’t he a doll? Of course, he is way too young for you. A baby, really.”
    Caroline wasn’t sure if she should pull her hair over her forehead to hide the crows feet or push it back to hide the grey.
    Zoe nattered on, smiling a little too sweetly, “If you like I could introduce you to one of the men I work with. They’re all too old for me, but I know they’d love to meet a nice woman their age.”
    Wow, Caroline thought, that was a bit obvious even for Zoe. “Zoe, it is just so sweet of you to look out for me like that,” she sugared back. “You are such a good friend.” She held on to her smile as she added, “And I think you’re so brave and sensible not to worry about your hair. I should take a lesson from you and not think about how I look so much.”
    Zoe’s face fell as her hand went to her hair. Caroline felt a little bad when Zoe walked off without a word. But only a tiny bit bad, she thought. Zoe’s deserved that for a long time, and her hair could actually use some work, so it was for the best. Grabbing a jello shot off the counter, Caroline headed over to the pool table. She was pretty sure she’d seen some wide shoulders and brown hair over that way. Mmmm, red, my favorite.

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 17:50:36 GMT

    The party was exactly what she’d expected. Take an old house, add a keg and a couple bottles of bourbon, mix with fifty people she either worked with or had grown up with, or in a few cases, like Margaret Louise and Mary Katherine over there, both, and you got a party that was identical to every party she’d been to since she was 15. CCR on the CD player, people wandering into the smoky back bedroom and then out giggling and hungry, boys in visors taking shots in the kitchen, tanned girls in little madras sundresses sprawled on the couches, Bud Lites in hand.
    “Hey! Carolina!” someone called from the kitchen, “Beer?” Caroline called back “Don’t call me Carolina,” as she turned around smiling at the guy who’d been her best guy friend since before she could remember. “Well, nothing could be finer,” he grinned, eyebrows waggling.
    Jimmy’s mom, Andrea, was her mother’s best friend. According to the story her mom told, when Caroline was just one, she toddled over to Jimmy, who was just two months older, kissed him (her 1st kiss!), and then pushed him over and took his truck. For the next two some odd decades they were a team; no one messed with either one if the other was around, although the lesson had been hard taught.
    When Rhett Jordan had broken Caroline’s heart in eighth grade, he’d gone home with a bloody nose, and when Emily Patterson had cheated on Jimmy with the track team junior year, Caroline started a very subtle rumor about what Emily had really done on Spring Break. The stories ranged from a secret baby to rehab to an STD, which was Caroline’s favorite. Emily couldn’t even get a date to prom.
    At least they had been a team, Caroline thought, as Jimmy grabbed her in a bear hug, until Jessica. She could hear Jessica hurrying over, the long vowels flying, “Why Caroline Moultrie, aren’t you just a sight for sore eyes!” Caroline leant forward for the obligatory air kisses, bracing herself for a flood of conversation from Jessica, a conversation Jessica was completely prepared to carry on with no encouragement whatsoever.
    Jessica grabbed her hand and started to pull Caroline out to the porch. “You just come on out here with me and get some fresh air. I don’t see how someone could even breathe in there.” Caroline wasn’t sure how Jessica could breathe she was talking so fast. And pulling her away from Jimmy at the same time. Of course.
    Digging in Birkenstocks, Caroline stopped short at the front door. She managed to get her hand back from Jessica, promised they would sit down and have a nice chat later, and headed back into the party. I’m not running away, she assured herself, but I’m not going to let her ruin this party when I haven’t even seen Jimmy in ages. Every time I call, he’s busy and he hasn’t called me in forever.
    “Caro, I’m sorry about that,” Jimmy pushed a beer into her hand. “Jess is so intimidated by you, she…” he trailed off, as Caroline choked.
    “Intimidated? Intimidated! That’s a good one. I’m sure your girlfriend, your tiny, tan, skinny, blond, yacht club member girlfriend is intimidated by me.”
    “No, seriously, Caro, she is,” Jimmy insisted, wrinkling his forehead earnestly. “You’re so beautiful and smart. She told me she doesn’t know what to say around you.”
    “Wait, Jimmy. This isn’t how you talk to her about me is it? You didn’t actually say I was beautiful and smart, did you?”
    “Well, yeah, I mean, I told her I could never date you, but that I couldn’t understand why you hadn’t been snatched up years ago, I mean, um…” He came to a halt, remembering why Caroline was still single.
    “Never mind, James. You’re not the first person today to wonder why I haven’t moved on from the ex. I know y’all mean well, but I just haven’t met anyone else. Anyone I would trust, she thought to herself. But back to Jessica, no wonder she doesn’t like me. What were you thinking? You don’t tell your girlfriend how wonderful another girl is.”
    “Hmm, I guess I shouldn’t have told her that you know me better than anyone either, huh? Maybe that’s why she’s so tetchy when I mention asking you over for dinner.”
    “You think? Idiot,” Caroline said fondly. “If you want to keep her around, you need to fix this. Start subtly telling her how much I irritate you. How I correct you and cramp your style.”
    “Cramp my style?” Jimmy was laughing so hard he could barely get the words out. “Cramp my style? Jess knows I have no style. She would never believe that.”
    “Whatever! Just start picking at me and maybe she’ll calm down.” Caroline huffed. “Then we can get to see the latest Tarantino before it leaves the big screen, cause that kind of mayhem is never as good on DVD. Now you go out to her and I’m going to get some little smokies.”
    Jimmy dodged around a couple arguing by the door while Caroline headed for the snack table. She knew what the snacks would be—velveeta queso, little smokies and onion dip. Predictable but tasty. Keg parties didn’t used to have snacks. She supposed it was a sign everyone was growing up. In fact, she realized as she stared at the party, she might be too grown up for this altogether. What would it be like to go to a party where no one threw up? she wondered. Retching sounds behind her told Caroline she wouldn’t get that answer tonight.
    I’ll just get some queso and leave, she promised herself. Stirring the melted cheese, she reached over for the chips and found someone’s hand instead. “Oh, sorry!” she exclaimed, snatching her hand back.
    “No problem,” said a quiet voice. “but these are not the chips you are looking for.”
Caroline didn’t mean to laugh and if she had, it would’ve been a ladylike giggle, but instead she almost snorted cheese dip up her nose.

Chapter 1

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 17:09:57 GMT

    It wasn’t the town she hated, Caroline thought as she dug for her mailbox key, it was the people. The masses of tourists who descended like locusts every year for the house tours and art festivals and wildlife expos in America’s politest city. “Politest city, my ass,” she muttered, balancing a decaf mocha in one hand while grabbing the mail with the other. Once upon a time there was a beautiful thing called tourist season, with a beginning and an end, and a bumper sticker reading “If it’s called tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?” But those days were gone. Now tourons were here all year long, taking all the parking spaces, walking in the middle of the street, wearing socks with sandals. Of course, Caroline paused her trek up to the third floor, mail in hand, to be fair, I wouldn’t have a job with out the hordes from Ohio and Germany. No need for carriage or walking tours with no tourists. But still, how many times can someone ask me how far it is to walk to Fort Sumter without going postal. It’s an island, people, an island! After stopping for a last quiet moment to look out at the street from the third floor piazza, she sighed and pushed open the apartment door.
    “Good lord, Amy, does the music have to so loud?" Caroline shouted, as she threw the mail on the coffee table. “Crap,” she said more softly. The music blaring on the living room CD player, the work shirt and bra thrown on the arm of the couch, the empty beer bottles…her roommate was home, and had brought someone else.
    Amy’s voice came from the back bedroom, “Hey Caroline,” she yelled laughing, “and yes, it goes to 11!” Mad giggling. Caroline smiled in response, and then sighed as she walked in her room to change clothes. It had been how long since she had brought anyone back here? Brian. Brian was the last and that was before Xmas. Over 6 months ago. A long time to go without sex when living with Miss Sexed Up herself. Of course, Amy wouldn’t have let a dry spell last this long. Amy would’ve marched into the bar, curls flying, and picked the guy she wanted, or asked one of the guys at work over to “help her lift something.”
    But I’m not Amy, Caroline thought, looking in the full length mirror behind the closet door. I’m an entirely different kettle of fish. Or a kettle of something that’s not fish, or Mae West looking fish. If Mae West had red hair and a snub nose. Because Mae West was not cute, she was sexy and gorgeous. I’m cute, she thought with irritation. Cute.
    “Knock, knock,” Amy said as she walked in to lie on the bed. “What’s up with you? You look annoyed about something. Did Paul piss you off at work again?”
    “Why would Paul irritate me?” Caroline replied, shutting the closet door firmly. “Just because he acts like he does so much work in front of the owner and then sits on his ass the rest of the day? No, no, that’s totally fine. Whatever. Anyway, who’ve you lured home today?”
    “Remember the guy who started working for Quality Carriage Tours last week? The cute one with the dark hair?”
    “Oh, yeah, Gary or George or something, right? That’s who’s over?”
    Amy giggled. “Gary, and I figured I should snag him before any other carriage girls get their hands on him. Or Jimmy for that matter.”
    “Well, how was it? Tell me everything! I need to live through you.” Caroline exclaimed.
    “Not bad, Amy said, I’d give him an eight and a half. Definitely better than Brad, who was such a disappointment for such a muffin.”
    “Well, I’m about ready to sleep with Brad, I’m getting so desperate,” Caroline moaned.
    “Right! I believe that. The pickiest girl I know, sleeping with an incompetent rat like Brad.” Amy snorted. “The only reason you’re in a slump is that there’s no one in this town you want to date. And don’t give me that nonsense about sex for sex’s sake—if you wanted to just do it, you would’ve already. You want a relationship, a boyfriend, love.”
    “Whatever. I’ve had love and I’ve had one nighters. One nighters are less painful.”
    “Someday, you’ll have to get over him,” Amy said quietly, quickly adding, as she dodged a pillow, “but for now, we have to get ready! This is going to be the party of the year!”
    “You always say that,” Caroline said a bit sulkily, “but it’s always the same people and the same keg and the same drama. I want to go to a new party.”
    “Then you’ll have to move. You can’t expect to meet new people when you’ve lived in the same place for almost 30 years.” Amy said sensibly from the bathroom. “Even if it does seem like everybody and their brother is moving down here from Connecticut. Damn Yankees and their shiny, shiny money.”
    “Fine, Caroline grumbled to herself, “maybe I will move.”

Introduction

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 17:03:32 GMT

Name: Charlotte Evans

Interests: mystery and romance novels, tourism, fat activism, fashion, parenting, Joss Whedon, Heroes, Torchwood, etc.

Romance Genre: um. what I'm writing? what I like to read? paranormal, regency, modern writers like Jennifer Crusie.

Tolerance for Beginners: Well, I'm a beginner, so I hope decent. Am happy to bat around ideas or look at construction issues.

Writing History: I have a number of ideas on paper and the first few chapters of a novel started. Am overwhelmed at the sheer number of words needed in a book--need to be on a writing schedule, with a set output, but could use some outside encouragement for that and someone to bounce things off of in the stuck places.

About Me: I'm a fat feminist living in the South East with my partner and our son who is almost 3. I have an MA in English and taught comp and lit classes at the community college for a few years, but my concentration was in creative writing. Hopefully, I'll be starting an MA in library science this fall. *fingers crossed*

Would love any feedback on the story as whole or on any particular bits of it, including grammar, etc.